Tony Fitzpatrick

By Tony Fitzpatrick

On May 16th, 2011, Rahm Emanuel became the fifty-fifth mayor of the city of Chicago. It was a laugher. He ran against a field of mostly nobodies, and wound up trouncing career Democrat and City Clerk Miguel del Valle in the primary. The Republicans mattered not a fuck because this is Chicago and we don’t elect Republicans. We would vote for the dead before pulling the pachyderm lever.

I can’t decide whether it’s the best or worst decision Chicago’s ever made.

It was the perfect lifeboat for Emanuel. Nobody liked him or wanted to deal with him in Washington, not even his own guys. Once King Richard II decided not to run again, after the 2016 Olympics wet-dream shit the bed and there would be no crowning glory or fifth star for the city’s flag, Daley wanted out. That his wife was so desperately ill had to weigh heavily into his decision as well.

The Olympics thing had to be a pisser. Only Chicago politics has a BIGGER gang of scumbags than the Olympic Committee itself had. It had to be like a roomful of pickpockets where nobody brought a wallet. Imagine that summit and how much silverware got stolen at a gathering for that grimy gaggle of assholes. Read the rest of this entry »

This weekend’s NATO summit is inspiring a mix of welcoming promotions, confrontational protests and regular Chicagoans heading out of town. Here’s a selective listing of events, protests and promotions inspired by the gathering.

Already Happening

Chicago’s Culinary Crossroads Over two hundred restaurant locations will present tasting menus, featured items, desserts, wine selections and cocktails inspired by the NATO nations. For more information visit chicagosculinarycrossroads.org. Through May 25.

NATO Cupcakes Magnolia Bakery, 108 North State. $3. Through May 25.

 May 17

Occupy Chicago’s Day of Environment: Planet over War! Bring your bike and rally against the environmentally destructive agendas of NATO and the G8. Rally outside of the Canadian Consulate, meet at the corner of Jackson and LaSalle. 2-11pm. Free. For more information visit natoprotest.org/events. Read the rest of this entry »

John Krause/Photo: John Greenfield

By John Greenfield

Acid jazz pulsed on the sound system as a group of stylishly dressed transit fans clinked wine glasses last week at Vapiano, a sleek Italian restaurant at 2577 North Clark Street in Lincoln Park. They were there to launch the Chicago Streetcar Renaissance, a campaign to create a world-class streetcar line on Clark from the Loop to Wrigley Field, and eventually add lines in other parts of the city.

“Our mission is to grow the economy and the population of Chicago every year while reducing traffic congestion and making the city easier to get around,” says John Krause, the architect who founded the movement, nattily attired in jeans and a dove-gray sports jacket. “That means every year there will be more people and fewer cars, more commerce and less congestion.”

He has a vision of the clogged traffic and the notoriously sluggish buses on Clark replaced by efficient, comfortable streetcars, more pedestrian traffic, on-street cafés and broad bike lanes. “The only way you can get rid of cars is to replace them with something better,” he explains. “In a car paradigm everybody assumes the city is going to grow more and more congested. But a public-transit system is the opposite. The more people use public transit, the better it gets.” Read the rest of this entry »

By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Is there a difference in sound quality between relatively inexpensive modern violins and the multimillion-dollar violins created by master craftsmen in the 1700s? In research done at the Eighth International Violin Competition, most violinists couldn’t tell them apart. (Read more here: tinyurl.com/ViolinResearch.) In accordance with the astrological omens, Aries, I urge you to do comparable tests in your own sphere. There’s no need to overpay for anything, either with your money, your emotions, your energy or your time. Go with what works, not with what costs the most or has highest status. Read the rest of this entry »

Half an hour into the fourth annual Magellan Development Group Chicago Spring Half Marathon a pleasantly cool thirty-percent chance of showers quickly transformed into a one-hundred-percent downpour that kept up for the next hour. Combined with the strong winds, this was certainly not a welcome development for the roughly 1,500 half marathoners along the out-and-back lakefront course. It’s the kind of weather that makes participants in a half marathon feel bold for pushing through while making those just out for a morning run seem like masochists. On the plus side, it’s also the kind of race weather that leads to commiseration and a sense of togetherness. Read the rest of this entry »

Tony Fitzpatrick

By Tony Fitzpatrick

It is amazing how  easy it is to be the kind of guy women don’t like. Get caught laughing at an off-color joke, or worse yet, making one. Be observed staring a little too long at a pleasant ass or pair of breasts, and you’re a pig, a cur, a Cro-Magnon misogynist—and you just don’t get it!

I suppose women wear  low-cut blouses so you will spend more time looking at their shoes. She spends all of that time in the gym so you can have a meaningful discourse about clean energy.

Who  are you kidding? You want us to look—and you want us to long. Even nuns can’t walk by a mirror without checking to see if the new habit makes their ass look big. Read the rest of this entry »

By John Moss

Two young women showed up to the Excalibur nightclub one Friday evening in January. Each paid a $20 admission to the “#1 Mega Club & Party Castle” in Chicago, but neither had come to dance.

“Do you see him? Is he here?” the blonde asked her friend as they looked over the crowd. The sleek clubgoers who typically populate this River North spot on weekends had been replaced by a motley collection of characters: huddles of portly men in black t-shirts swigging LandShark beer, men in ballcaps and blue jeans with distracted but dutiful women at their sides—and pockets of women dressed in bygone nineties dress: cream T-shirts and ankle-length dresses, bangles and small, cross-body faux-suede purses.

The crowd had turned out for Resistance Pro’s second event, Rise. The Chicago-based professional wrestling promotion company had generated significant buzz beyond the modest niche press devoted to indie wrestling. There were articles on Forbes.com, The Hollywood Reporter and Bloomberg Businessweek, and Chicago’s iconic rock ’n’ roll station WXRT was chatting about them. The reason for this mainstream media attention? For drawing young women who wouldn’t know a Russian Leg Sweep from a Mongolian chop?

Resistance Pro’s creative director is Billy Corgan, frontman for the alt-rock band The Smashing Pumpkins. Read the rest of this entry »

Justyna Frank and Ira David Levy/Photo: Pedal America

By John Greenfield

As a sustainable transportation devotee, sometimes I have to remind myself that not everyone in this country is as fanatical about biking as I am. But “Pedal America,” a new travel series on PBS created and produced by Chicagoan Ira David Levy, aims to spread the gospel of cycling to the unconverted. “I think that with a lot of bike advocacy, we tend to talk to each other, people who are already enthused,” he says over drinks at a Gold Coast café. “But if you’re going to reach the masses you need to find a way that does not come across as overly political. So I work in a little bit of advocacy in each episode but I try not to be too preachy.”

During the seven-part series, which airs on 356 public-TV stations nationwide, Levy and co-host Kati Lightholder explore bicycle-friendly cities and national parks all over the United States, checking out the best rides, events, bike infrastructure and tourist attractions. Each thirty-minute episode covers a different destination, including Austin, Texas; Napa Valley, California; Sedona, Arizona; Savannah, Georgia; Raystown Lake, Pennsylvania; Tampa-St. Petersburg, Florida and, of course, the Windy City. In the process, they showcase cycling as a cheap, healthy, fun and green way to get around a new locale. “The whole premise of the show is to educate and inspire people to ride their bikes,” he says. Read the rest of this entry »

By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): In one of your past lives, I think you must have periodically done something like stick your tongue out or thumb your nose at pretentious tyrants—and gotten away with it. At least that’s one explanation for how confident you often are about speaking up when everyone else seems unwilling to point out that the emperor is in fact wearing no clothes. This quality should come in handy during the coming week. It may be totally up to you to reveal the truth about an obvious secret or collective delusion. Can you figure out a way to be relatively tactful as you say what supposedly can’t or shouldn’t be said? Read the rest of this entry »

From COMIENZO to FIN, this year’s Cinco de Miler (relocated from last year’s Soldier Field location to Montrose Harbor) was a demonstration in how a well-run race can become a full-fledged event. From a five-piece mariachi band that made two appearances along the five-mile course to a grassy post-race space where a live band played and chips and salsa, burritos and churros (not to mention a free Modelo for those over twenty-one) were passed out to well-spaced waves that kept the course from ever becoming crowded, RAM Racing managed to create a race atmosphere that both encouraged competition and reminded runners to have fun. Read the rest of this entry »