By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Hate leaves ugly scars,” wrote author Mignon McLaughlin, but “love leaves beautiful ones.” If I’m reading the astrological omens correctly, Aries, you’re scheduled to receive at least one of the beautiful kind of scars in the coming months—maybe even two or three. In fact, I think they’ll be such lovely booboos that they will markedly add to your overall attractiveness. Rarely if ever have you been privileged to hurt as good as you will in 2010—thanks to the benevolent jolts of love. Happy Valentine Daze! Read the rest of this entry »

This Week’s Biggest Gainers

1 Mike Martz
The offensive mind was tapped to be the Bears new offensive coordinator. Finally. Read the rest of this entry »

By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Those who know how to win are much more numerous than those who know how to make proper use of their victories.” So said the ancient Greek historian Polybius, and now I’m conveying the message to you. I hope it will serve as a spur in the wake of your recent triumph. Will you be content with merely basking in the glow, frittering away the provocative potentials? Or will you get down to business and use your new advantages to upgrade your destiny to what we might refer to as Aries 2.0? Read the rest of this entry »

Nearly two hours before the night’s speaker is scheduled to go on and yet people are already buzzing around shaking off the weather inside the Conaway Center at Chicago’s Columbia College. A woman directs people to the registration line. A man jokes to his friend about her hair, but she chalks it up to the wind. A trio of adults weigh their chances of getting into tonight’s event. It feels not unlike lining up for dodgeball. No one wants to get picked last.

Two student ushers direct people to the overflow room and tell the lucky ones—those who registered early enough for tonight’s event—that the Film Row Cinema will open shortly. A few men try to flirt their way out of the room and into the theater. “I’ve got overflow tickets,” a man in a ball cap says, smirking. “How likely is it we’ll get in?”

A woman appears in a headset, “You know it’s really hit or miss. I don’t want to promise anything.” Read the rest of this entry »

By Tom Lynch and Ray Pride

Imagine the cool crisp air, Thursday, February 4, 2010. The temperature’s unseasonable again, creasing 40. Stepping out into the day, deep breaths are taken across the city. The sun shines off the glass-clad skyscrapers along the Chicago River. The Brown Line clatters, clickety-clackety and clean as a toy over the bridge above the waters. A tall boat’s coming through, it’s after morning rush, the bridge tenders point State, Dearborn, LaSalle, Franklin, to the nourishing sunlight. There’s a cloud in the sky, a large white shred, moving west slower than a stagecoach, as if it’s been part of the prairie forever.

The first rumble is more like a grumble. Cheap car alarms on cheaper cars sound. Antsy cats rise to fearful attention. The skies go still. The air stalls, hum of man and nature just hangs for an instant before the rumble comes.

The streets bounce with canisters, like stovepipes, like drains from rooftop water towers. They clatter from the sky: cellular towers shatter in mid-syllable, shrapnel dazzling in the brilliant late winter sun. The projected face in Millennium Park freezes, sizzles to black. BAM! Another punch, another lurch, another roll: the cloud moves to the lake, placid, impassive, several cars crash into several more and into the parked cars along Michigan, rumble, crash: The Bean drops from its mooring, drops, rolls, onrushing down Michigan where the cars have parted, reflecting that one white cloud as it wobbles down—then the center line tears like a paper towel, neatly like a perforation, and The Bean is swallowed by the warm earth. And it shifts again…

It’s always an abstract apocalypse until it occurs next door. Tragedies are what happen through the television screen, the Internet, right, much farther than arm’s length? Read the rest of this entry »

This Week’s Biggest Gainers

1 Barack Obama
The president celebrated the one-year anniversary of his inauguration. Read the rest of this entry »

By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Shakespeare got modest respect while he was alive, but his reputation as a brilliant bard didn’t gel right away. It wasn’t until almost fifty years after he died that anyone thought his life and work were notable enough to write about. By then, all his colleagues and compatriots were gone, unable to testify. He himself left little information to build a biography around. That’s why next to nothing is known about the person who made such a dramatic impact on the English language and literature. I suggest you take this as a metaphorical prod that will inspire you not to be blasé about the greatness that is in your vicinity. Don’t take superlative intelligence, talent, or love for granted. Recognize it, bless it, be influenced by it. Read the rest of this entry »

Anyone who’s been to Logan Square’s hipster destination The Whistler wouldn’t expect the bar to have a Super Bowl party. But not so fast! The countrified Golden Horse Ranch Band has a monthly residency at the venue and February 6, Super Bowl Sunday, just happens to fall on one of the group’s dates. The solution? Broadcast the game from the stage while the band performs, and when the Bowl concludes, auction off the television. “The residency fell on the same day as the Super Bowl, but what can we do?” Jennifer Boeder, assistant at The Whistler, says. “We’re broadcasting it on a five-inch piece-of-crap television, from the stage. They’ll play, and play the game from the stage, and talk about the game and give updates. If you actually do care, you can kind of keep score, and if you don’t care, it’s a good alternate activity.” Leave it to The Whistler crew to even make the Super Bowl some kind of art piece.

This Week’s Biggest Gainers

1 Ricketts Family
The Cubs new owners announced plans for Wrigley Field’s much-needed renovations as their honeymoon continued with the fans. Read the rest of this entry »

On a Monday afternoon, diehard fans of a late-night legend huddle in the cold outside NBC headquarters in Pioneer Court. More than a hundred people stand in the picket line, waving colorful signs displaying admiration for the redheaded funny man who has been making people laugh for his entire adult life.

A mother and her two young daughters stand clad in orange attire, the theme for this evening’s march along Michigan Avenue. “My daughter is the biggest Conan fan,” says the proud mom. Fans in Conan wigs and orange wool caps pace in front of the tower as security guards keep them just beyond the NBC property. “This is actually a Trump wig,” says Qais of his hair garb. “This feud is worse then Leno vs. Letterman.” Read the rest of this entry »