By Tom Lynch

Growing up in Long Island with a father in social service and a librarian mother, Jesse Ball was a hyperactive kid. He was held back in kindergarten as a result—yet, because he showed signs of budding intelligence, he was also enrolled with the gifted students in advanced classes. At one point, he would bounce between special education and elevated study at the same time, one class right after the other. He also liked to draw, vivid doodles of grotesque demons, with such frequency he was sent to see a psychoanalyst. When he was 5, he mailed some drawings to the Queen of England. In response, her Lady in Waiting wrote, “The Queen has asked me to write to tell you she liked your drawing very much…”

Such a colorfully ironic childhood is that of fiction, it’s no wonder Ball grew up to be a writer, though the man himself contends that when he was young the first thing he wanted to be was a garbage man, because, as he puts it, “They get to ride in the back of the truck.” Second was writer. Read the rest of this entry »

At a fundraiser for the Organic School Project, everyone mills about Goose Island Brewery, shoveling in spoonful after spoonful of mac ‘n’ cheese, throwing back brews and enjoying one cupcake (and then another). A wellness program created by Chef Greg Christian that works with the Chicago Public School System to get kids eating healthier, OSP plants organic gardens at schools, teaches youngsters about nutrition and works to combat obesity. Everyday, OSP provides Alcott Elementary with all organic, natural and made-from-scratch lunches.

This information, coupled with the images being continuously broadcast from the Goose Island TVs of OSP children eating organically and working in gardens, endows one with a creeping sense of guilt. Shouldn’t this event practice what it preaches? Nah, let’s try the Mac-tini. The Adam Seger-designed mac ‘n’ cheese-inspired cocktail made with cheddar cheese, maple syrup, fresh lime juice and CapRock vodka, flies off the bar and down the throats of fundrais-ees with surprising speed. Read the rest of this entry »

When you’re one space away from winning Bingo, you have to yell, “I’m coming, bitch!” And if you’re lucky enough to win, your prize may be something along the lines of anal beads or a mini vibrator. For those who attempt to cheat or “accidentally” mishear a call and their boards don’t match up after they’ve called bingo, punishment comes in the form of a good ‘ole paddling across the rear, or the far more embarrassing fake orgasm performance. Unless, of course, the Bingo Bitch decides you deserve both. Simultaneously.

Welcome to Dirty Bingo, held twice a month at Victory Liquors. You may only play one board per game, and each game consists of creating a different formation. Like the upside-down T-shape entitled “Erection,” or the circular “Boob” (with the middle free space making the nipple) that’s illustrated on the instruction sheet you receive. And it’s all for charity. Read the rest of this entry »

Eula Biss brings it in “Notes from No Man’s Land,” her collection of essays published this month. Touted (and praised) as a book about race, “Notes” is that and more. “Opening a different kind of dialogue is where I see a possibility for me to do something meaningful as a writer,” says Biss. Identifying the lack of discussion about race as a “chronic problem” in this country, Biss works to create a conversation where we don’t “police each other so closely,” where we can think clearly about race because “we aren’t afraid of saying the wrong thing or being exposed as racists.” The title essay of “Notes” is about moving to Rogers Park, and while Biss is a relatively recent arrival, she’s already endowed with the signature Second City directness, both outing Chicago as a “hyper-segregated city” and asserting that it will take more than one election to end racism. “Part of my project is to be as forthright as possible,” Biss says. (Meaghan Strickland)

By Michael Nagrant

There’s just something about Bruno. And tonight, I aim to please him. How else explain that, though I’m a 32-year-old straight dude who shops entirely too much at Old Navy, I’m more skittish than a red-carpet-roving Hollywood starlet caught in the crossfire gazer beams of Joan Rivers and Steven Cojocaru?

Since I’m a food critic, Bruno Abate, restaurant impresario/owner of Wicker Park’s Tocco Pizze e Arte, should be the one to impress me. Yet I’m worried that my recently pressed white-stitched ultra-indigo dress jeans are slightly wrinkled at the ankle, and I’m wondering whether they drape over my pointy-toed Robert Wayne dress shoes enough to prevent me from looking like a court jester. Abate, who cooks from $8,000 San Lorenzo sauté pans, wears sunglasses that make Bono jealous and rocks orange shoes, has seemingly turned the tables. Read the rest of this entry »

RECOMMENDED

With the Grainger Hall of Gems under renovation, the Field Museum has partnered with the National Jewelry Institute to present this one-room teaser chronicling the ancient bling of the Near and Middle East. The 130-piece exhibition, upstairs in the intimate Kimball and Brooker Gallery, bridges the gap between “then” and “now.” The entire exhibit has the feel of a small, sparsely lit display on Jeweler’s Row; one can’t help but coo at the rings and necklaces, partly hoping some are available for purchase. Gold, glazed quartz, ruby, garnet, shells and filigree—ancient jewelers, much like their modern counterparts, understood the human need to flaunt gemstones and precious metals as beautiful adornment. The Islamic world’s history of Muslim expansion is punctuated with earrings and bangles festooned with elaborate geometry, granulation and goldworking. Hammered gold and twisted wire bedecked the people of the Levant, while the crossroads of Mesopotamia utilized blue lapis lazuli from Afghanistan and Egyptian faience. The Greek writer Herodotus wrote, “Of all the troops, the Persians were adorned with the greatest magnificence…they glittered all over with gold,” reminding us that people have always adorned themselves with stunning jewelry, a fact that hasn’t changed much in the last 5,000 years. (Laura Hawbaker)

“Masterpieces of Ancient Jewelry: Exquisite Objects from the Cradle of Civilization” runs at the Field Museum, 1400 South Lake Shore, (312)922-9410, through July 5.

By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Beware of people who act like polite jerks or tone-deaf music critics or emotionally numb lovers. While they may be able to teach you a lot about what you don’t need, they’re not worthy candidates for enduring relationships. Now let’s turn our attention to the question of who exactly does belong on your future team. Read the rest of this entry »

This Week’s Biggest Gainers

1 John Paxson
The Bulls GM put rumors of his resignation to rest and made a series of deals that basically replaced half the team. Read the rest of this entry »

Wherein we continue our tradition, sort of, of focusing on the circus that is the Oscars, rather than the bread that is the movies themselves. (Not to worry, though, we’ve covered them already.) This year, we have more local connections than the usual to the Academy Awards and, accordingly, bring you the dish on those, as well as a guide to the best local award-watching celebrations. Read the rest of this entry »

Chutney Joe's

By Michael Nagrant

With all the truth-seeking, moneyed, mid-life-crisis-experiencing entrepreneurs “climbing” Mt. Everest, it’s surprising there hasn’t been a nationwide boom in Nepalese cuisine. After all, in the late 1960s and early 1970s when the counter-culture got tired of smoking peyote and mainlining Mexican mezcal, they returned to the States bearing larded beans, chimichangas and burritos as big as your head. But, while young reformed hippies needed to build a life and make some money, flush hedge-fund managers don’t quite need sidelines beyond month-long sojourns to the Turks and Caicos or weekend benders at Maybach dealerships. And so our nation suffers a culinary debt.

And as the nation goes, so does Chicago, or at least the South Loop. Despite the confluence of affluence gathering in newly sprung high-rise condos off of South Michigan Avenue, or the density of cultured denizens living in former printing warehouses off Dearborn, the South Loop has been one of Chicago’s stalwart ethnic-food deserts. But, in the last month, with the addition of the Indian and Nepalese-skewing Chicago Curry House and the McDonald’s-meets-the-Maharaja, fast-food-slinging Indian diner, Chutney Joes, it’s now ground zero for all things sambar and spice. Read the rest of this entry »