This Week’s Biggest Gainers

1 Oprah Winfrey

With the announcement that the media mogul’s closing up shop in 2011 and focusing on her own cable network OWN, Winfrey was cited in several news stories as the most powerful woman in the world who will change the future of television.

2 Joel Quenneville

As of press time, the Hawks coach had his exciting squad on a seven-game winning streak.

3 Stephanie Bell, Russell Perkins, Daniel Smith

The three academics—each with Chicago-area ties—were among the thirty-two men and women designated as Rhodes Scholars over the weekend.

4 Kahlil Bell

The Bears rookie running back debuted with a seventy-two-yard run, the longest run from scrimmage by a Bears back since 1989.

5 Editors at Stevenson High’s Statesman

Rather than give up their sources to the school’s administration in a story concerning alcohol-consumption and smoking, the editors of the newspaper decided to pull the piece instead and run a blank page in its place.

This Week’s Biggest Losers

1 Lovie Smith

Another loss over the weekend and a seemingly trashed season has many considering Lovie’s future with the Bears. Namely if there is one.

2 Jay Cutler

With eighteen interceptions in total this season, the Bears savior is looking more like a false prophet.

3 John Pallohusky

The Chicago policeman and president of the Chicago Police Sergeant’s Association was arrested for allegedly embezzling $600,000 from the organization.

4 Pat Quinn

The state unemployment rate has reached eleven percent, the highest number in twenty-six years.

5 Oprah Winfrey

So you’re done with Chicago. We don’t need you anyway! (We hope.)