By Tom Lynch and Ray Pride

Imagine the cool crisp air, Thursday, February 4, 2010. The temperature’s unseasonable again, creasing 40. Stepping out into the day, deep breaths are taken across the city. The sun shines off the glass-clad skyscrapers along the Chicago River. The Brown Line clatters, clickety-clackety and clean as a toy over the bridge above the waters. A tall boat’s coming through, it’s after morning rush, the bridge tenders point State, Dearborn, LaSalle, Franklin, to the nourishing sunlight. There’s a cloud in the sky, a large white shred, moving west slower than a stagecoach, as if it’s been part of the prairie forever.

The first rumble is more like a grumble. Cheap car alarms on cheaper cars sound. Antsy cats rise to fearful attention. The skies go still. The air stalls, hum of man and nature just hangs for an instant before the rumble comes.

The streets bounce with canisters, like stovepipes, like drains from rooftop water towers. They clatter from the sky: cellular towers shatter in mid-syllable, shrapnel dazzling in the brilliant late winter sun. The projected face in Millennium Park freezes, sizzles to black. BAM! Another punch, another lurch, another roll: the cloud moves to the lake, placid, impassive, several cars crash into several more and into the parked cars along Michigan, rumble, crash: The Bean drops from its mooring, drops, rolls, onrushing down Michigan where the cars have parted, reflecting that one white cloud as it wobbles down—then the center line tears like a paper towel, neatly like a perforation, and The Bean is swallowed by the warm earth. And it shifts again…

It’s always an abstract apocalypse until it occurs next door. Tragedies are what happen through the television screen, the Internet, right, much farther than arm’s length? Read the rest of this entry »

This Week’s Biggest Gainers

1 Barack Obama
The president celebrated the one-year anniversary of his inauguration. Read the rest of this entry »

By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Shakespeare got modest respect while he was alive, but his reputation as a brilliant bard didn’t gel right away. It wasn’t until almost fifty years after he died that anyone thought his life and work were notable enough to write about. By then, all his colleagues and compatriots were gone, unable to testify. He himself left little information to build a biography around. That’s why next to nothing is known about the person who made such a dramatic impact on the English language and literature. I suggest you take this as a metaphorical prod that will inspire you not to be blasé about the greatness that is in your vicinity. Don’t take superlative intelligence, talent, or love for granted. Recognize it, bless it, be influenced by it. Read the rest of this entry »

Anyone who’s been to Logan Square’s hipster destination The Whistler wouldn’t expect the bar to have a Super Bowl party. But not so fast! The countrified Golden Horse Ranch Band has a monthly residency at the venue and February 6, Super Bowl Sunday, just happens to fall on one of the group’s dates. The solution? Broadcast the game from the stage while the band performs, and when the Bowl concludes, auction off the television. “The residency fell on the same day as the Super Bowl, but what can we do?” Jennifer Boeder, assistant at The Whistler, says. “We’re broadcasting it on a five-inch piece-of-crap television, from the stage. They’ll play, and play the game from the stage, and talk about the game and give updates. If you actually do care, you can kind of keep score, and if you don’t care, it’s a good alternate activity.” Leave it to The Whistler crew to even make the Super Bowl some kind of art piece.

This Week’s Biggest Gainers

1 Ricketts Family
The Cubs new owners announced plans for Wrigley Field’s much-needed renovations as their honeymoon continued with the fans. Read the rest of this entry »

On a Monday afternoon, diehard fans of a late-night legend huddle in the cold outside NBC headquarters in Pioneer Court. More than a hundred people stand in the picket line, waving colorful signs displaying admiration for the redheaded funny man who has been making people laugh for his entire adult life.

A mother and her two young daughters stand clad in orange attire, the theme for this evening’s march along Michigan Avenue. “My daughter is the biggest Conan fan,” says the proud mom. Fans in Conan wigs and orange wool caps pace in front of the tower as security guards keep them just beyond the NBC property. “This is actually a Trump wig,” says Qais of his hair garb. “This feud is worse then Leno vs. Letterman.” Read the rest of this entry »

By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Philosopher David Pearce is committed to the abolition of suffering. While he acknowledges that we’ve got a long way to go before accomplishing that goal, he believes it’s possible, mostly with the help of technology. (More at http://bit.ly/8oTsCV.) More than two millennia ago, Buddha also articulated a vision for the cessation of suffering. His methods revolve around psychological and spiritual work. In light of your current astrological omens, Aries, I think it’s an excellent time to contribute to this noble enterprise. Your level of suffering is rather low these days, which could give you a natural boost if you set in motion some long-term strategies for reducing the pain that you experience and the pain that you cause. Read the rest of this entry »

This Week’s Biggest Gainers

1 Andre Dawson
The Cubs great outfielder was voted into baseball’s Hall of Fame. Let’s hope he dons the white and blue, rather than that ugly Expos uni. Read the rest of this entry »

By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): The Earth’s north magnetic pole is not the same as the geographic North Pole. If you take out a compass to orient yourself toward due north, the compass arrow will actually point toward a spot in the frigid wilds of Canada. But what’s really odd is that the north magnetic pole has been on the move since 1904—scientists don’t know exactly why—and has dramatically sped up in recent years. According to National Geographic, it’s now zooming toward Siberia at the rate of almost forty miles per year. I suspect that your own metaphorical version of magnetic north will also be changing in 2010, Aries. By January 2011, the homing signal you depend on to locate your place in reality may have migrated significantly. This is a good time to start tracking the shift. Read the rest of this entry »

We learn every day. About ourselves, about others, about…gather ’round…life. The beauty of learning is that it never stops; we never grow too old, and it’s never too late.

Fantasies come and go. You might want to be a rock star one week, a contestant on “Top Chef” the next. That’s natural—most of our brains are wired to bounce between desires. If you’re lucky, you don’t have one dream, but a whole army of them. Dreaming is ageless, too.

We live in a great city bulging with prestigious universities and arts schools. We’re also blessed with smaller-scale learning centers that specialize in certain fields. When we discussed what should be the theme for our 2010 edition of annual Education Issue, two things became instantly clear: not only does Chicago boast an abundant amount of educational outlets, but many of those outlets have the potential to properly prepare you for immediate work in the applicable field, even in the arts. Read the rest of this entry »