This Week’s Biggest Gainers:
Just when you thought the dynasty was over, the mayor’s kid brother signed on as President Obama’s chief of staff.
Prevailed in his bid to take Playboy private, proving the power of Viagra extends to the metaphorical as well.
Drew the lowly Seattle Seahawks as the Bears first playoff opponents as karmic thanks for playing to win meaningless season finale in Green Bay.
Led the Bulls to a dominant win over the Celtics that signaled their presence among the NBA elite teams.
Sworn into first term as elected governor…
This Week’s Biggest Losers:
Carol Moseley Braun
Prevailed as the “consensus African-American candidate” for mayor, but her fumbling over red-ink-stained tax returns led to cajoling that she’s running for office because she needs the salary.
It’s unanimous: all four major candidates for mayor want to fire the police chief. Oh, and murders in Chicago just dropped to their lowest rate since 1965.
…just as his massive tax hikes were threatening what limited popularity got him into office in the first place.
Despite his appeals, the convicted ex-guv won’t be granted leave to sit bedside by his dying wife.
Lura Lynn Ryan
Facing a painful death without her lifelong companion, the ex-guv’s wife received the cruelest punishment of all for her husband’s crimes.
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