This Week’s Biggest Gainers:

1
Don Cornelius
The creator of “Soul—er, Sooooooooooul Train” was feted by the city and the media as he marked forty years since he created the “black ‘American Bandstand’.”

2
Rahm Emanuel
Finished the Chicago Triathlon near the top of his age bracket. Whaddya think, mayor? How about the marathon?

3
Jim Oberweis
The ultra-conservative ice cream baron lowered his sights to the State Senate, hoping to avoid the meltdown his previous statewide campaigns have ended in.

4
Dane Sanzenbacher
Although he’s just the sixth wide receiver for the Bears, the undrafted free agent made the team with on-field performance and can-do attitude, winning over the media in the process.

5
David Doeren
The new head coach of the Northern Illinois University’s football team battled through nearly four quarters of rain to lead his team to an impressive victory, 49-26, over Army.

This Week’s Biggest Losers:

1
Joe Walsh
The Tea Partying suburban congressman says he’s sitting out the prez’s speech on jobs, perhaps in order to try and get a Rick Perry hairdo?

2
Carlos Zambrano
The antics-prone ace is done for the season after his walkout. And fans increasingly wish done for Wrigley.

3
Lance Briggs
Bears linebacker started pouting for a trade. He sure is a big guy for a baby, eh?

4
Ozzie Guillen
Great to hear the kerfuffle about a contract extension as your boys were getting swept away from the playoffs by the rival Tigers.

5
Betty Loren-Maltese
Cicero’s ex-con ex-president conducted a garage sale for living expenses. At $1.50 a pair, her iconic earrings were a bargain.