This Week’s Biggest Gainers:
Bears linebacker feasted on Falcon meat.
Look! Up in the Sky! It’s a movie star!
Proved critics wrong (again) when his Bears stuffed the Falcons in their season opener.
His book got a swift kickstart when the object of his, um, affection, Mayor Emanuel showed up at the launch event.
The city mourned the Fenwick High leader, the most successful water polo coach in state history.
This Week’s Biggest Losers:
Reportedly unleashed a “fuck you” on teachers union leader Karen Lewis in a meeting. Must have been inspired by Dan Sinker’s book.
Our poor ex-mayor-for-life just got his security detail cut in half, to three men.
Thomas J. Micucci
You were just sitting on the couch playing video games when a car crashed into your living room. When investigators discovered your pot farm, you were arrested, but your roommate fared worse: Zachary Isenberg died in the crash.
She fatally learned that hot beef oil is not a viable form of cosmetic surgery.
In spite of a championship-caliber team on paper, his White Sox are just about Adam Dunn.
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