Street Smart Chicago

Newcity’s Top 5 of Everything 2013

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Cover by David Alvarado

1. As a rejection of the end-of-the-year-list obsession in the media in Newcity’s early days, we decided to do Top 5s, instead of the usual Top 10s, and keep the lists minimal in exposition.

2. Critics would be forced to make hard choices rather than the waffling namby-pamby approach so irritating in other media (honorable mentions, etc. etc.).

3. Our critics figured out how to get around the brevity issue by creating multiple permutations of lists for their fields.

4. Somewhere along the line we added the miscellaneous lists because they’re funny and, well, we like randomness.

5. And so, eventually, our minimalist intentions became the celebration of excess you see today, nearly a hundred lists to keep your mind sharp during the brain-deadening onslaught of the holidays. See you in 2014.
—Brian Hieggelke

Top 5 Not-So-Pedestrian Local Walking Stories
Chicago Riverwalk wins federal financing, Walsh snags construction contract
Driver, three times over legal blood alcohol limit, kills Ja’Mya Love, two, in Englewood
City installs speed cameras at school and park safety zones, drivers whine
The city’s first pedestrian scramble intersection debuts at Jackson and State
Loyola plans Kenmore ped plaza, DePaul proposes Kenmore “shared street”
—John Greenfield

Top 5 Wheelie Exciting Chicago Bicycling Stories
City successfully rolls out Divvy bike-share, announces expansion to 475 stations
CDOT builds groundbreaking protected lanes on Milwaukee Avenue
Fifteen on-street bike parking corrals open across the city, bringing the total to nineteen
Go Bronzeville program encourages residents to add cycling to their commuting toolbox
Death of cyclist Bobby Cann leads IDOT to lift ban of protected lanes on state roads
—John Greenfield

Top 5 Rapidly Developing Transit Stories
Bus rapid transit advocates and opponents lock horns over Ashland BRT plan
After five-month shutdown, South Red Line rehab garners rave reviews
Metra and Pace reps vote against own interests, support Illiana Tollway boondoggle
Glitches plague Ventra launch, CTA vows to fix the problems
Rahm trumpets $492 million O’Hare Line overhaul
—John Greenfield

Top 5 Public Space Stories of 2013
The Gateway seating area opens in the State Street median
Groovy, amorphous People Spot debuts at Southport and Addison
City issues request for proposals to activate fifty underused plazas
Work starts on the long-awaited Bloomingdale Trail, aka the 606
Construction begins on a new People Plaza near Milwaukee and Diversey
—John Greenfield

Top 5 Neighborhoods That Should Not Be Called “Logan Square”
Humboldt Park
Avondale
Bucktown
Hermosa
Cragin
—Emerson Dameron

Top 5 Things to Never Instagram
The skyline
The snow
The Bean
Hotdogs
Deep-dish pizza
—Emerson Dameron

Top 5 Google Autocomplete Suggestions for “Why is Chicago so…”
Violent
Windy
Corrupt
Cold
Awesome
—Emerson Dameron

Top 5 People Responsible for Chicago’s Bad Weather
Rahm Emanuel
Barack Obama
Suburbanites
The Bears
Ventra
—Emerson Dameron

Top five things you will not hear on WBEZ
A complete phone interview without awkward silence or a lost connection on “The Morning Shift”
Emotion in Jerome McDonnell’s voice
Unforced laughter
Any music from Chicago-based jazz musicians
A black person without a criminal record or some type of dysfunction on “This American Life”
—Corey Hall

Top 5 People Kanye West Compared Himself To, Aside From God
Steve Jobs
Michael Jordan
Kate Moss
Picasso
Michelangelo
—Naomi Huffman

Top 5 Longest Lines
Hot Doug’s
Kuma’s Corner
Bathrooms at Lollapalooza
Best Buy locations on Black Friday
DMV License Renewal at Thompson Center
—John Wawrzaszek

Top 5 South Side Bars To Check Out
Bernice’s in Bridgeport
Simone’s in Pilsen
Woodlawn Tap in Hyde Park
Cork and Kerry in Beverly
Stash Leahy’s in Blue Island
—John Wawrzaszek

Top 5 Holiday Attractions
ZooLights at Lincoln Park Zoo
Christkindlmarket in Daley Plaza
Christmas Around the World at Museum of Science and Industry
Winter WonderFest at Navy Pier
Wreathed Lions at Art Institute of Chicago
—John Wawrzaszek

Top 5 Chicago 5K Races of 2013
Chi-Town Big Game 5K (February 3)
Ridge Run Challenge (May 27)
Chinatown 5K (July 13)
Terrapin 5K & Music Festival (August 8)
Carrera de los Muertos (November 2)
—Zach Freeman

Top 5 Chicago Half Marathons of 2013
F^3 Lake Half (January 26)
Chicago 13.1 Marathon (June 8)
Chicago Women’s Half Marathon (June 23)
Rock ‘n’ Roll Chicago Half (July 21)
Chicago Half Marathon (September 8)
—Zach Freeman

Top 5 Derrick Rose Career Change Options
Coach
Sportscaster
Pitchman
Personal injury attorney
The Jacksonville Jaguars
—Emerson Dameron

Top 5 Chicago sports transactions that did NOT get done in 2013 but should happen in 2014
Franchise: Jay Cutler
Amnesty: Carlos Boozer
Rehab: Derrick Rose
Remodel: Wrigley Field
Release: Adam Dunn
—David Witter

Top 5 Things To Take The Edge Off For Northwestern Football Fans
Hey, Illinois sucks too.
That diploma
Cajun tater tots from Rocking Horse
Malort
Women’s lacrosse season is just around the corner
—B. David Zarley

Top 5 Chicago-based Boxers
Reigning IBF Light Middleweight World Champion “King” Carlos Molina
IBF No. 1 Ranked Light-Heavyweight Contender Andrew “The Polish Prince” Fonfara
Middleweight World Title Challenger Osumanu “Oz” Adama (to face WBA Champ Golovkin February 1)
Super Middleweight Contender Don “Da Bomb” George
Emerging Light-Welterweight Contender Adrian “El Tigre” Granados
—Bill Hillmann

Top 5 reasons Paul Konerko re-signed with the White Sox
Wants to be present when the White Sox take it to the next level by losing their 100th game
Wants to give Adam Dunn competition as the slowest guy on the team
Wants to better his aim at throwing foul balls into the empty seats at U.S. Cellular Field
Wants to get a dugout view of another Sox fan attacking an opposing team’s first-base coach
Wants to keep wearing the alternative black home jerseys that hide his growing man-boobs
—Corey Hall

Top 5 things Richard Renteria is preparing to do as new manager of the Cubs
Take a shot of tequila every time cardboard-cutout radio announcer Patrick Hughes calls any Latino player named Luis, “Louie”
Prepare to use 2013 BP cup to lean on whenever his hip acts up
Prepare for Old Style beer-spray celebration when the Cubs win their 70th game of the season
Start preparing his exit speech for 2015
Get a privatized driver—courtesy of Mayor Emanuel—after taking a wrong turn and winding up in Boys Town after the bullpen blows another game
—Corey Hall

Top five excuses White Sox fans will continue to give for not attending home games
Prefer listening to Hawk Harrelson’s age-(very)old “Hawkisms” in the privacy of own home
Exploding scoreboard distracts them from watching the score of a Cubs game, a team they claim to hate and ignore
Prefer listening to Ed Farmer’s no-fun-allowed play-by-play call as a cure for insomnia in own home
Three train lines, an expressway, a bus line, and multiple parking lots within blocks of the Cell Block on 35th Street still make getting to games difficult
Still upset that Jermaine Dye won 2005 World Series MVP over Joe Crede, suspect a “reverse racism” conspiracy
—Corey Hall

Top 5 Disappointments in Chicago Sports
Derrick Rose, again
Jay Cutler
Robin Ventura
Carlos Marmol
No more Old Style at Wrigley Field
—John Wawrzaszek

Newcity’s Top 5 of Everything 2013: Art

Newcity’s Top 5 of Everything 2013: Design

Newcity’s Top 5 of Everything 2013: Dining

Newcity’s Top 5 of Everything 2013: Drinking

Newcity’s Top 5 of Everything 2013: Film

Newcity’s Top 5 of Everything 2013: Lit

Newcity’s Top 5 of Everything 2013: Music

Newcity’s Top 5 of Everything 2013: Stage

 

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