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Free Will Astrology: Week of January 8, 2015

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By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): In his novel “Breakfast of Champions,” Kurt Vonnegut describes a character, Ned Lingamon, who “had a penis eight hundred miles long and two hundred and ten miles in diameter, but practically all of it was in the fourth dimension.” If there is any part of you that metaphorically resembles Lingamon, Aries, the coming months will be a favorable time to fix the problem. You finally have sufficient power and wisdom and feistiness to start expressing your latent capacities in practical ways… to manifest your hidden beauty in a tangible form… to bring your purely fourth-dimensional aspects all the way into the third dimension. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology: Week of January 1, 2015

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By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Most salamanders reproduce by laying eggs, but the alpine salamander doesn’t. Females of that species give birth to live young after long pregnancies that may last three years. What does this have to do with you? Well, I expect you to experience a metaphorical pregnancy in the coming months. Even if you’re male, you will be gestating a project or creation or inspiration. And it’s important that you don’t let your incubation period drag on and on and on, as the alpine salamanders do. I suggest you give birth no later than July. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology: Week of December 25, 2014

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By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Hell is the suffering of being unable to love,” wrote novelist J. D. Salinger. Using that definition, I’m happy to announce that you have a good chance of avoiding hell altogether in 2015. If there has been any deficiency in your power to express and bestow love, I think you will correct it. If you have been so intent on getting love that you have been neglectful in giving love, you will switch your focus. I invite you to keep a copy of this horoscope in your wallet for the next twelve months. Regard it as your “Get Out of Hell Free” card. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology: Week of December 18, 2014

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By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Too much happiness can make you unhappy,” reported journalist Marta Zaraska in the Washington Post. Citing research by psychologists, she concluded that being super-extra cheerful can make you selfish, gullible and more prone to stereotyped thinking. On the other hand, she said, maintaining merely moderate levels of happiness is pretty damn good for your mental and physical health. So here’s the takeaway, Aries: The astrological omens suggest you’re due for a surge of joy and pleasure. Just be careful it doesn’t spill over into rash, delirious excess. Here’s your watchword: well-grounded delight. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology: Week of December 11, 2014

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By  Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Lord Byron (1788-1824) was an English poet who loved animals. In the course of his life, he not only had dogs and cats as pets, but also monkeys, horses, peacocks, geese, a crocodile, a falcon, a crane and a parrot. When he enrolled in Trinity College at age seventeen, he was upset that the school’s rules forbade students from having pet dogs, which meant he couldn’t bring his adored Newfoundland dog Boatswain. There was no regulation, however, against having a tame bear as a pet. So Byron got one and named it Bruin. I think it’s time for you to find a workaround like that, Aries. Be cunning. Try a gambit or two. Find a loophole. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology: Week of December 4, 2014

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By  Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): The National Science Foundation estimates that we each think at least 12,000 thoughts per day. The vast majority of them, however, are reruns of impressions that have passed through our minds many times before. But I am pleased to report that in the coming weeks, you Aries folks are primed to be far less repetitive than normal. You have the potential to churn out a profusion of original ideas, fresh perceptions, novel fantasies and pertinent questions. Take full advantage of this opportunity. Brainstorm like a genius. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology: Week of November 27, 2014

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By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): What exactly do you believe in, Aries? What’s your philosophy of life? Do you think that most people are basically good and that you can make a meaningful life for yourself if you just work hard and act kind? Do you believe that evil, shapeshifting, kitten-eating extraterrestrials have taken on human form and are impersonating political leaders who control our society? Are you like the character Crash Davis in the film “Bull Durham,” who believed in “high fiber, good Scotch, the sweet spot, and long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days”? Now would be an excellent time for you to get very clear about the fundamental principles that guide your behavior. Recommit yourself to your root beliefs—and jettison the beliefs that no longer work for you. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology: Week of November 20, 2014

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By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Someone on Reddit.com posed the question, “What have you always been curious to try?” In reply, many people said they wanted to experiment with exotic varieties of sex and drugs they had never treated themselves to before. Other favorites: eating chocolate-covered bacon; piloting a plane; shoplifting; doing a stand-up comedy routine; hang-gliding and deep-sea diving; exploring the Darknet and the Deep Web; spontaneously taking a trip to a foreign country; turning away from modern society and joining a Buddhist monastery. What would your answer be, Aries? The coming weeks will be an excellent time to explore what you have always been curious to try. The risks will be lower than usual, and the results more likely to be interesting. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology: Week of November 13, 2014

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By  Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): We all have addictive and obsessive tendencies. They are fundamental to being human. So the challenge is not to eliminate them—that’s not possible—but rather to harness them. If you hope to keep them from dragging you down, you must work hard to channel them into activities that enhance your life. How are you doing on this score, Aries? Are you chronically dependent on drugs, gambling, sugar, or chaotic relationships? Or are you, instead, hooked on the courage you summon when you face your fears and the willpower you invoke as you free yourself from your limitations? Now is an excellent time to upgrade your addictive and obsessive tendencies. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology: Week of November 6, 2014

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By  Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Shape-shifting is a common theme in fairy tales, says cultural historian Marina Warner in her book “From the Beast to the Blonde.” “A rusty lamp turns into an all-powerful talisman,” for example. “A humble pestle and mortar become the winged vehicle of the fairy enchantress,” or a slovenly beggar wearing a dirty donkeyskin transforms into a radiant princess. I foresee metaphorically similar events happening in your life sometime soon, Aries. Maybe they are already underway. Don’t underestimate the magic that is possible. Read the rest of this entry »