Street Smart Chicago

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology No Comments »

By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): This is an indelicate oracle. If you’re offended by the mention of bodily functions in a prophetic context you should STOP READING NOW. Still here? OK. I was walking through my neighborhood when I spied an older woman standing over her aged Yorkshire Terrier next to a bush. The dog was in discomfort, squatting and shivering but unable to relieve himself. “He’s having trouble getting his business done,” his owner confided in me. “He’s been struggling for ten minutes.” I felt a rush of sympathy for the distressed creature. With a flourish of my hand, I said, “More power to you, little one. May you purge your burden.” The dog instantly defecated. Shrieking her approval, the woman exclaimed, “It’s like you waved a magic wand!” Now I am invoking my wizardry in your behalf, Aries, although in a less literal way: More power to you. May you purge your psychological burden. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology No Comments »

By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Sometimes you quit games too early, Aries. You run away and dive into a new amusement before you have gotten all the benefits you can out of the old amusement. But I don’t think that will be your problem in the coming days. You seem more committed than usual to the ongoing process. You’re not going to bolt. That’s a good thing. This process is worth your devotion. But I also believe that right now you may need to say no to a small part of it. You’ve got to be clear that there’s something about it you don’t like and want to change. If you fail to deal with this doubt now, you might suddenly quit and run away somewhere down the line. Be proactive now and you won’t be rash later. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology No Comments »

By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Are you good at haggling? Do you maybe even enjoy the challenge of negotiating for a better price, of angling for a fairer deal? The coming week will be a favorable time to make extensive use of this skill. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you will thrive on having friendly arguments with just about everyone, from your buddies to your significant other to your mommy to God Herself. Everywhere you go, I encourage you to engage in lively discussions as you hammer out compromises that will serve you well. Be cheerful and adaptable and forceful. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology No Comments »

By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): I’ve got a good feeling about your relationship with intimacy in the coming weeks. Judging from the astrological omens, I think you will have a good instinct about how to drum up interesting fun with your most important allies. You’ll just naturally know what to do to make your collaborative efforts synergistic. So by all means cash in on this potential. Don’t just sit back and hope for the best; rather, call on your imagination to provide you with original ideas about how to make it all happen. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology No Comments »

By  Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “If Taylor Swift is going to have six breakups a year,” observed comedian Bill Maher, “she needs to write a new song entitled ‘Maybe It’s Me.’” He was referring to Swift’s habit of using her romantic misadventures to stimulate her lyric-writing creativity. With that as your prompt, Aries, I’ll ask you to do some soul-searching about your own intimacy issues. How have you contributed to the problems you’ve had in getting the love and care you want? What unconscious behavior or conditioned responses have undermined your romantic satisfaction, and what could you do to transform them? The next eight weeks will be prime time to revolutionize your approach to relationships. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology No Comments »

By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “A good story should make you laugh, and a moment later break your heart,” wrote Chuck Palahniuk in his book “Stranger Than Fiction.” From what I can tell, Aries, the sequence is the reverse for you. In your story, the disruption has already happened. Next comes the part where you laugh. It may be a sardonic chuckle at first, as you become aware of the illusions you had been under before the jolt exposed them. Eventually I expect you will be giggling and gleeful, eternally grateful for the tricky luck that freed you to pursue a more complete version of your fondest dream. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology No Comments »

By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “No regrets? Really?” asks author Richard Power. “I have regrets. They are sacred to me. They inform my character. They bear witness to my evolution. Glimpses of lost love and treasure are held inside of them; like small beautiful creatures suspended in amber.” I think you can see where this horoscope is going, Aries. I’m going to suggest you do what Power advises: “Do not avoid your regrets. Embrace them. Listen to their stories. Hold them to your heart when you want to remember the price you paid to become who you truly are.” (Find more by Richard Power here: tinyurl.com/RichardPower.) Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology No Comments »

By  Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): You seem primed to act like a ram, the astrological creature associated with your sign. I swear you have that look in your eyes: the steely gaze that tells me you’re about to take a very direct approach to smashing the obstacles in your way. I confess that I have not always approved of such behavior. In the past, you have sometimes done more damage to yourself than to the obstruction you’re trying to remove. But this is one time when the head-first approach might work. There is indeed evidence that the job at hand requires a battering ram. What does your intuition tell you? Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology No Comments »

By Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): An Indian student named Sankalp Sinha has invented the “Good Morning Sing N Shock.” It’s an alarm clock that plays you a song and gives you a small electrical jolt when you hit the snooze button. The voltage applied is far less intense than, say, a taser, and is designed to energize you rather than disable you. I encourage you to seek out wake-up calls like the kind this device administers, Aries: fairly gentle, yet sufficiently dramatic to get your attention. The alternative would be to wait around for blind fate to provide the wake-up calls. They might be a bit more strenuous. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology No Comments »

By  Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Normally, International CAPS LOCK DAY happens only once a year, on June 28. But in alignment with your current astrological omens, you have been granted the right to observe the next seven days as your own personal International CAPS LOCK DAYS. That means you will probably be forgiven and tolerated if you use OVERHEATED ORATORY and leap to THUNDEROUS CONCLUSIONS and engage in MELODRAMATIC GESTURES. You may even be thanked—although it’s important to note that the gratitude you receive may only come later, AFTER THE DUST HAS SETTLED. Read the rest of this entry »