This Week’s Biggest Gainers
1 Barack Obama
Signed into law his first major decree—the economic stimulus package.
2 Ozzie Guillen
Praised for harshly criticizing baseball’s steroid users and calling for year-long and lifetime bans.
3 Derrick Rose
The Bulls guard won the Skills Challenge during the NBA’s All-Star weekend.
4 Jean Joho
The James Beard Foundation announced the chef and his Everest as semifinalists for Outstanding Chef and Outstanding Restaurant, respectively.
5 Drew Peterson
Reputed fiancée Christina came back! Yay!
This Week’s Biggest Losers
1 Roland Burris
Calls of “perjury” were heard after a mysterious affidavit from the Senator surfaced that indicates he may have been part of “cash contribution” conversation with Blago’s brother.
2 Barack Obama
Still no Commerce Secretary—Senator Judd Gregg backed out due to a difference of opinion.
3 John Paxson
Rumors swirled that the Bulls GM would be out of a job once this season’s trade deadline has passed.
4 Eric Hargrove
The 28-year-old Chicago policeman was arrested for possession of child pornography.
5 Dmitriy V. Sklyarov
The Muncie man and admitted Satanist pleaded guilty to biting a child and received one-year jail sentence.