This Week’s Biggest Gainers:
1 Andre Dawson
Hall of Fame induction reminded Cubs fans of extremely short list of team highlights these past hundred years.
2 Lou Piniella
By quitting before the axe fell, Sweet Lou’s retirement announcement even kicked up some Hall of Fame chatter.
3 Michael Bailey
Why are the finest of Chicago’s finest always the ones killed?
4 John Hall
Goose Island founder hoisted another cold one when news broke that President Obama was hyping the Chicago brewer’s products.
5 Dick Buckley
Jazz lost its voice.
This Week’s Biggest Losers:
1 Rod Blagojevich
You sly fox, you, playing us all with that testimony bait-and-switch. Too bad you still have to take a verdict, huh?
2 Richard Daley
Um, the meter money’s almost gone in a year, rather than the seventy-five it’s supposed to last. And that’s no parking ticket; it’s a fast-moving violation.
3 Lora Hunt
Lethal nail polisher sentenced to jail time without emery boards for killing a motorcyclist while performing a mobile self-manicure.
4 Tom Ricketts
Sweet Lou might be easing out the door, but your Jim Hendry support is frightening even the sports wags weened on Tribune incompetence.
5 Al Sanchez
Former Streets and Sanitation Commissioner picked up a second conviction but it barely got noticed, thanks to the ex-guv’s circus nearby. Remember when you commanded attention? Now they treat you like trash.