This Week’s Biggest Gainers:
Retiring Cubs skipper “shocked” sports pundits when he departed early, choosing to spend time with his ailing elderly mother rather than presiding over the breakup of his team.
Though he too suffered a mistrial with his brother, consensus emerged that he was more loyal family man than cold-blooded political criminal.
Groupon honcho enjoyed a stellar week that included a Forbes claim that his startup is the fastest-growing company in history, followed by a Gap promotion that moved more jeans than Madonna and child.
The Cubs’ class act was traded to a team worthy of his skills and character: the first-place Atlanta Braves.
Mild-mannered video librarian and foreman of the Blago jury turned into Superman in subsequent press coverage.
This Week’s Biggest Losers:
Whee! Only just a little bit guilty! And now, back to television and selling autographs—$50 a pop—at Comic Con! Whee! Look, ma. No hands!
The Holdout Juror
Reviled by the media for her integrity and steadfastness of conscience when she forced a Rod Blagojevich mistrial.
Sheesh. Just as we’re getting used to what looks to be the perpetual Blago the Clown Show, Governor Quinn’s chief of staff steps down in an ethics probe.
Trib CEO failed to add “bankruptcy negotiations have failed” to his banned-phrase list.
You knew that Jim Thome would come back to haunt you, didn’t you? But how do you explain the, um, Royals?