This Week’s Biggest Gainers:
1 Manny Ramirez
Shades of Dennis Rodman? White Sox added the notorious slugger to help in a late-season surge. He proceeded to go 4-for-9, against his former team, the Boston Red Sox, no less.
2 Pat Fitzgerald
Northwestern’s football coach is helming an undefeated squad, after taking the season-opening “Brain Bowl” from Vanderbilt. And now he’s a “Big 10 Icon” to boot.
3 Tom Dart
Cook County Sheriff took on Craigslist over “adult services” ads; Craigslist blinked. No word on whether any politicians have been inconvenienced.
4 Ozzie Guillen
Sox skipper led the team to a seven-win streak as they chased the playoffs. Too bad the Twins have been unbeatable, too.
5 Sgt. Marie Owens
Turns out she was America’s first female cop when she joined the force in 1891. Of course, she’s too dead to appreciate the honor.
This Week’s Biggest Losers:
1 Jody Weis
Police superintendent pissed off everyone by meeting with gang leaders to issue a stop-the-killing ultimatum. On the other hand, if the gang leaders are mad…
2 Kanye West
Tweeted a big fat apology to Taylor Swift a year after the MTV VMA fiasco, even wrote her a song. Maybe an award-winning song?
3 Lovie Smith
We know, it’s just preseason, but Uh-oh and Four?
4 Wallace “Gator” Bradley
Ex-gang leader/community activist was among those who held a widely ridiculed press conference to denounce the “threats” of Jody Weis at the aforementioned summit.
5 Richard Daley
The mayor’s plan to privatize everything he could in order to balance the budget was greeted by Bronx cheers from those still moaning about the parking space selloff.