By Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Were you under the impression that the sky is completely mapped? It’s not. Advances in technology are unveiling a nonstop flow of new mysteries. In a recent lecture, astronomer Joshua Bloom of the University of California described the explosion of wonder. One particular telescope, for example, detects 1.5 million transient phenomena every night, and an average of ten of those turn out to be previously undiscovered. Reporting on Bloom’s work, Space.com compared the astronomers’ task to “finding a few needles in a giant haystack night after night.” I see this challenge as resembling your imminent future, Aries. Mixed in with all the chatter and hubbub, there are some scattered gems out there—rich revelations and zesty potentials. Will you have the patience to pinpoint them?
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If you’re thinking of calling on a ghost to provide you with information, make sure you know how to banish it when you’re finished milking it. If you’re considering a trek into the past to seek some consolation or inspiration, drop breadcrumbs as you go so you can find your way back to the present when it’s time to return. Catch my drift, Taurus? It’s fine to draw on the old days and the old ways, but don’t get lost or stuck there.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): From an astrological point of view, it’s a favorable time for people to give you gifts and perks and blessings. You have my permission to convey that message to your friends and associates. Let them know it’s in their interest to be generous toward you. The truth, as I see it, is that they will attract rewards for themselves, some unexpected, if they help you. So what’s your role in this dynamic? Be modest. Be grateful. Be gracious. At the same time, rake it all in with supreme confidence that you deserve such an outpouring.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Nobel Prizes are awarded to geniuses in a variety of fields for work they’ve done to elevate science and culture. But have you heard of Ig Nobel Prizes? The Annals of Improbable Research hands them out to eccentrics whose work it deems useless but amusing. For instance, one recipient was honored for investigating how impotency drugs help hamsters recover quickly from jet lag. Another award went to engineers who developed a remote-control helicopter to collect whale snot. In 2000, physicist Andre Geim won an Ig Nobel Prize for using magnetism to levitate a frog. Unlike all of his fellow honorees, however, Geim later won a Nobel Prize for his research on a remarkable substance called graphene (tinyurl.com/NobelGraphene). I think you’ll soon have a resemblance to him, Cancerian. Some of your efforts will be odd and others spectacular; some will be dismissed or derided and others will be loved and lauded.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): If you have ever fantasized about setting up a booth at the foot of an active volcano and creating balloon animals for tourists’ kids, now is an excellent time to get started on making that happen. Same is true if you’ve ever thought you’d like to be a rodeo clown in Brazil or a stand-up comedian at a gambling casino or a mentor who teaches card tricks and stage magic to juvenile delinquents. The astrological omens suggest that playfulness and risk-taking would synergize well right now. There’s even a chance that if you found a way to blend them, it would lead to financial gain.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You’ve arrived at a phase in your cycle when you’ll have the opportunity to scope out new competitors, inspirational rivals and allies who challenge you to grow. Choose wisely! Keep in mind that you will be giving them a lot of power to shape you; they will be conditioning your thoughts about yourself and about the goals you regard as worthy of your passions. If you pick people of low character or weak values, they’ll bring you down. If you opt for hard workers with high ideals, they’ll raise you up.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “There’s no key to the universe,” writes Swami Beyondananda. But that shouldn’t lead us to existential despair or hopeless apathy, adds the Swami. “Fortunately, the universe has been left unlocked,” he concludes. In other words, Libra, there’s no need for a key to the universe! I offer you this good news because there’s a similar principle at work in your life. You’ve been banging on a certain door, imagining that you’re shut out from what’s inside. But the fact is that the door is unlocked and nothing is stopping you from letting yourself in.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): When you travel to Mozambique, the Ministry of Fish and Wildlife gives you a warning about the frequency of human encounters with lions out in nature. “Wear little noisy bells so as to give advanced warning to any lions that might be close by so you don’t take them by surprise,” reads the notice you’re handed. I’m certain, Scorpio, that no matter where you are in the coming week—whether it’s Mozambique or elsewhere—you won’t have to tangle with beasts as long as you observe similar precautions. So please take measures to avoid startling goblins, rascals and rogues. If you visit a dragon’s domain, keep your spirit light and jingly. If you use a shortcut that requires you to pass through the wasteland, sing your favorite nonsense songs as you hippety-hop along.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Few things make me more excited than being able to predict good tidings headed your way. That’s why, as I meditated on your upcoming astrological aspects, I found myself teetering on the edge of ecstasy. Here’s what I foresee: a renaissance of pleasure… an outbreak of feeling really fine, both physically and emotionally… and an awakening of your deeper capacity to experience joy. Here’s your mantra for the week, generated by my friend Rana Satori Stewart: yum yum yum yum yum / yum yum yum yum yummy yum / yum yum yum yum yummy yummy yum yum.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): CNN reported on two neo-Nazi skinheads from Poland, a married couple, who discovered they were actually Jews. It turned out that during World War II, the truth about their origins had been hidden by their parents for fear of persecution. Years later, when the Jewish Historical Institute in Warsaw informed them that they were members of the group they had hated for so long, they were shocked. Since then, they have become observant Jews who worship at an orthodox synagogue. The new perspective you’ll be getting about your own roots may not be as dramatic as theirs, Capricorn. But I bet it will lead to a shift in your self-image. Are you ready to revise your history? (More info: tinyurl.com/Ex-skinheads.)
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): My astrological colleague Antero Alli says that a lot of good ideas occur to him while he’s taking a shower. He also finds frequent inspiration while riding his bike. Why, then, does he not enjoy biking in the rain? He doesn’t know. I bring this up, Aquarius, because you’re entering a phase of your cycle when flashes of insight and intuition are likely to erupt at a higher rate than usual. I suggest you aggressively put yourself in every kind of situation that tends to provoke such eruptions—including ones, like maybe riding your bike in the rain, that you haven’t tried before.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A Canadian man named William Treble once found more than a thousand four-leaf clovers in a single day. Niamh Bond, a British baby, was born on the tenth day of the tenth month of 2010—at exactly 10:10am and 10 seconds. My friend Allan told me he was driving in suburbia the other day when two white cats bolted across the road right in front of him. And yet as lucky as all that might sound, it pales in comparison to the good fortune that’s headed your way, Pisces. Unlike their luck, which was flashy but ultimately meaningless, yours will be down-to-earth and have practical value.
Homework: What is the first thing you want? What’s the last thing? Are they related in any way? Testify at Truthrooster@gmail.com.