By Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 19): The driest place on the planet is the Atacama Desert in northern Chile. It gets about a half-inch of rain per year. And yet in 2011, archaeologists discovered that it’s also home to a site containing the fossilized skeletons of numerous whales and other ancient sea creatures. I’m detecting a metaphorically comparable anomaly in your vicinity, Aries. A seemingly arid, empty part of your life harbors buried secrets that are available for you to explore. If you follow the clues, you may discover rich pickings that will inspire you to revise your history.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Businessman Warren Buffet is worth $65.5 billion, but regularly gives away twenty-seven percent of his fortune to charity. Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates owns $78 billion, and donates thirty-six percent. Then there are the members of the Walton family, owners of Walmart, where 100 million Americans shop weekly. The Waltons have $136 billion, of which they contribute .04 percent to good causes. You are not wealthy in the same way these people are, Taurus. Your riches consist of resources like your skills, relationships, emotional intelligence, creative power, and capacity for love. My invitation to you is to be extra generous with those assets—not as lavish as Buffet or Gates, perhaps, but much more than the Waltons. You are in a phase when giving your gifts is one of the best things you can do to bolster your own health, wealth and wellbeing.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You have two options. You can be in denial about your real feelings and ignore what needs to be fixed and wait for trouble to come find you. Or else you can vow to be resilient and summon your feistiest curiosity and go out searching for trouble. The difference between these two approaches is dramatic. If you mope and sigh and hide, the messy trouble that arrives will be indigestible. But if you are brave and proactive, the interesting trouble you get will ultimately evolve into a blessing.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Astronauts on the International Space Station never wash their underwear. They don’t have enough water at their disposal to waste on a luxury like that. Instead, they fling the dirty laundry out into space. As it falls to Earth, it burns up in the atmosphere. I wish you had an amenity like that right now. In fact, I wish you had a host of amenities like that. If there was ever a time when you should be liberated from having to wash your underwear, make your bed, sweep the floor, and do the dishes, it would be now. Why? Because there are much better ways to spend your time. You’ve got sacred quests to embark on, heroic adventures to accomplish, historical turning points to initiate.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): What are those new whisperings in your head? Are they messages from your inner teacher? Beacons beamed back through time from the Future You? Clues from the wise parts of your unconscious mind? Whatever they are, Leo, pay attention. These signals from the Great Beyond may not be clear yet, but if you are sufficiently patient, they will eventually tell you how to take advantage of a big plot twist. But here’s a caveat: Don’t automatically believe every single thing the whisperings tell you. Their counsel may not be 100-percent accurate. Be both receptive and discerning toward them.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In the English-speaking world, a sundae is a luxurious dessert that features ice cream topped with sweet treats like syrup, sprinkles, and fruits. In Korea, a sundae is something very different. It consists of a cow’s or pig’s intestines crammed with noodles, barley, and pig’s blood. I expect that in the coming week you will be faced with a decision that has metaphorical similarities to the choice between a sundae and a sundae. Make sure you are quite clear about the true nature of each option.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The average serving of pasta on a typical American’s plate is almost 480 percent bigger than what’s recommended as a healthy portion. So says a research paper titled “The Contribution of Expanding Portion Sizes to the U.S. Obesity Epidemic,” by Lisa R. Young and Marion Nestle. Muffins are 333 percent larger than they need to be, the authors say, and steaks are 224 percent excessive. Don’t get caught up in this trend, Libra. Get what you need, but not way, way more than what you need. For that matter, be judicious in your approach to all of life’s necessities. The coming phase is a time when you will thrive by applying the Goldilocks principle: neither too much nor too little, but just right.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Children are the most desirable opponents at Scrabble,” declares Scorpio author Fran Lebowitz, “as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.” I don’t wholeheartedly endorse that advice for you in the coming days, Scorpio. But would you consider a milder version of it? Let’s propose, instead, that you simply seek easy victories to boost your confidence and hone your skills. By this time next week, if all goes well, you will be ready to take on more ambitious challenges.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You are entering a phase when you will have more luck than usual as you try to banish parasitic influences, unworthy burdens, and lost causes. Here are some projects you might want to work on: 1. Bid farewell to anyone who brings out the worst in you. 2. Heal the twisted effect an adversary has had on you. 3. Get rid of any object that symbolizes failure or pathology. 4. Declare your independence from a situation that wastes your time or drains your resources. 5. Shed any guilt you feel for taking good care of yourself. 6. Stop a bad habit cold turkey.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Are you ready to be as affable as a Sagittarius, as charismatic as a Leo, as empathetic as a Cancerian, and as vigorous an instigator as an Aries? No? You’re not? You’re afraid that would require you to push yourself too far outside your comfort zone? OK, then. Are you willing to be half as affable as a Sagittarius, half as charismatic as a Leo, half as empathetic as a Cancerian, and half as inspiring an instigator as an Aries? Or even a quarter as much? I hope you will at least stretch yourself in these directions, Capricorn, because doing so would allow you to take maximum advantage of the spectacular social opportunities that will be available for you in the next four weeks.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In the coming weeks I hope you will find practical ways to express your new-found freedom. All the explorations and experiments you have enjoyed recently were fun and provocative, but now it’s time to use the insights they sparked to upgrade your life back in the daily grind. Please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. I love it when you are dreamy and excitable and farseeing, and would never ask you to tone down those attractive qualities. But I am also rooting for you to bring the high-flying parts of you down to earth so that you can reap the full benefits of the bounty they have stirred up. If you work to become more well-grounded, I predict that you will be situated in a new power spot by December 1.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The heavy metal band known as Hatebeak broadened the definition of what constitutes music. Its lead singer was Waldo, an African grey parrot. A review by Aquarius Records called Waldo’s squawks “completely and stupidly brilliant.” For Hatebeak’s second album, they collaborated with animal rights’ activists in the band Caninus, whose lead vocalists were two pitbull terriers, Basil and Budgie. In the coming weeks, Pisces, I’d love to see you get inspired by these experiments. I think you will generate interesting results as you explore expansive, even unprecedented approaches in your own chosen field.
Homework: I invite you to carry out a prank that makes someone feel really good. Report results by going to FreeWillAstrology.com and clicking on “Email Rob.”